The Cherry On Top

My fondest dream (as for the moment) has finally come true: I'm now the Features Editor for the Commerce Journal! I'm really, really, really happy about it; I guess even up to now, there are no words for me to express the joy and gratitude I feel. During the TOCJ (where Kim announced the new edboard), I felt as if my body and soul were two different things. It's because I could practically feel my soul soaring... Believe me, being the Features Editor is that big of a deal for me.

I really enjoyed our Art and Writing Seminar (despite the flies, the foul smell, the heat, the uncomfortable beds, the unbearable cold at night, the dirty pool...). It just saddens me to think that next school year, it won't be with all the same people again. With the seniors gone and the other staffers moving to Accounting Journal, and new additions coming our way (I'm only sure of them taking Jhune in, and I'm thrilled to have Jhune), I don't know what would become of us.

Erwin's vacationing at China and I feel so alone here. During clearance, I went to the mall with my friends, and I had a great time. We spent most of the time at the arcade, with majority playing Photo Hunt, while Jami and I enjoyed ourselves with something I don't know what it's called, but it's pretty fun. But because I went home just a few hours later than I said, I was grounded. Poor me.

I started reading "The Secret Letters of Jackie Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe" today, and it was hard for me to put the book down. Both JK and MM are so endearing, even if they tend to be a bit manipulative and scheming. And to think that they can stay as friends, eventhough they're both in love with the same man! It seems impossible, but they've managed it. I can never be that way with anyone. When it comes to love, I can only understand that of Lancelot's and Guenevere's.

Comparing Knights

After weeks and weeks of waiting for my special order book from Powerbooks (5 weeks to be exact), I finally have Isolde, Queen of the Western Isle. The book didn't live up to my expectation, however, because Tristan turned out to be more bound to his king than he is to Isolde (unlike Lancelot, who favors Guenevere above all), plus, Tristan is easily manipulated by females (unlike Lancelot who can only be manipulated through enchantment). I guess it's no wonder why I've fallen in love with Lancelot; he loves truly and passionately, even against all odds. Just like my loved one. =) If he were to be a knight, I'm sure he'd beat Lancelot for the title "most peerless knight", and he'd be world-reknowned for his love, passion, and skill.

Finally Feeling the "Brr" Months

Isn't the cold weather just great? It's the best time to be wearing all the cold-weathered clothes, such as scarves, capelets, ponchos, even fuzzy jackets... Plus, I so love the feel of being wrapped around in a blanket (and the best part is, because it's so cold I can snuggle up even if it's in the afternoon!)

December 6 has been the most heavenly day of the year, and I cannot thank the Lord enough for giving me such an amazing, wonderful person to share it with. I'm so blessed.

Last night while watching David Blaine's Vertigo (again), I realized I want to do my "magic" act again. Strange, but I want to do it again.

Stupidity: Drastic, Sympathetic, Idiotic?

The latest thrill I got was when the CJ Propaganda was released in school. The thrill was short-lived, however, because of some "errors". But all in all, I think the Propaganda came out well. Too bad it will be my last contribution for CJ.

If I licked myself (not literally), I'd probably taste bitter. I've been like that the WHOLE day (well, almost). Too bad I have to end the night as is. I want to talk to somebody right now, because I went home in a really bad mood. Admittedly, I'm disappointed in some people (for obvious reasons). Worse, the "people" even tries to compensate it for something that's not even believable. Unfortunately for me, I think the select few people I care about are already asleep. Mom has told me time and again, not to expect from people the same treatment I give them. Alas, time and again I really need to give myself a swift kick in the head. Why can't I ever learn? Just because I am a certain way, doesn't mean everybody automatically has to be that way. I wish I could get that through to me.

Names and Supposed Deeper Meanings

Aylwin sent me a site that analyzes names by numbers, http://www.kabalarians.com/cfm/DisplayNameAnalysis.cfm

This is what I got out of my first name:

Though the name Czarina creates the urge to understand and help people, we draw to your attention that it causes an emotional intensity and sensitivity that is hard to control. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid and nervous system.
Your first name of Czarina has given you a friendly, likeable nature, and you could excel in artistic, dramatic, and musical expression. With this name, you desire the finer things in life, but you do not always have the resolve and vitality to put forth the effort necessary to fulfil your desires. Your emotional feelings are easily affected and you will always be involved in other people's problems as a result of your overly sympathetic nature.

Love in A Sense

Is it possible to be forever discontent with the weather? I hate it when it's cold, and I hate it when it rains especially because the insects come swarming it! Now I just realized that I also hate it when it's hot, especially during "ber" months, because we're supposed to be bringing out our cute close-to-winter clothes, instead of sporting around everything we wore for the summer.

I've had a newfound respect for Lancelot. I've always hated him and Guenevere for the fact that they've hurt Arthur, but Lancelot really knew how to love. And I guess Guenevere couldn't be blamed, because Arthur wasn't completely bound by their fidelity and he oftentimes prioritized others before her. Lancelot loved Guenevere in the way she was supposed to be loved.

Here are a few quotations from the book:

"Wherever I go, you will always be there. And wherever you go, my prayers will be there before. What we have between us is stronger than life, older than fate or time."

"As far as I go away from you, that is the measure of my love. It is a sign of the power you have, and the power to draw me back to you one day. If the quest leads to the ends of the earth and beyond, I shall return. If I die, I will come back to you after death. And then we will never be parted, for my sould will be with you always, till you join me in the Otherworld."

-Lancelot

"With you, I lived and loved for the first time."

-Guenevere

Guenevere

I've just finished reading Guenevere, Queen of the Summer Country. At first I was already more than willing to give up on the book, as it was difficult to read, but I figured I would only be wasting money if I did (since I already bought the whole saga). Thank God I read it through; the book was lovely!

There has never been a character I could relate to more than Guenevere. I've read about heroines who've been very dear to my heart, but Guenevere was more than dear - I was able to sympathize with her. I felt her despair when Malgaunt was threatening to be her lord and master, I felt her relief when Arthur triumphed over his battle over Malgaunt, I felt her jealousy over Morgan, I felt the love she showered on her son Amir, I felt the desperate love she had for Lancelot...almost everything she felt, I felt myself. However, Guenevere has a lot of qualities I could only admire. Her ability to forgive is beyond me, and the way she was able to give up the person she loves most for the sake of Arthur...it was so selfless. I struggle with words.

Bring Out the Wishing Dusts ('coz I need it!)

Sometimes you can't stand your family; sometimes you can't be without them either. But though tonight I'm feeling the former, I know in a while the whole "frustration" thing will blow over.

All I could ask myself is - am I so unlovable? Why are there such hard people to deal with? I know I'm hard to be with too sometimes (more like a lot of times, actually), but I do not go about puposedly hurting other people's feelings and making people feel inferior and insignificant. I can't believe how those hurtful words spill from someone's lips so easily. I can understand how they form in the mind, of course, but never how they get out verbally. It's so cruel - you know another person is going to get hurt, and yet you say them anyway. In a fight, it's understandable how two people throw hurtful words at each other, but with each hurtful word comes a sting as well. And that sting will keep reminding you all about those horrid things you've said, as well as how much you've hurt a person with it. It's a full-time guilt-trip.

We've just gotten our clearances last Tuesday, and much to my dismay, I've failed Finance. By a point! And because of that, I have to leave CJ (Commerce Journal), and it sickens me especially now that CJ has grown so dear to me. I had a wonderful time during our Team Building Seminar, and it really really breaks my heart to be parted from the only organization I've joined in school (and the only one I truly cared about, at that!).